In today’s dynamic work environments, we often hear that leaders need to be strong, decisive, and goal-oriented. While these traits are indeed important, one aspect of leadership is frequently overlooked—the ability to be self-aware and to feel.
Many of us think of emotions as something to be controlled or even avoided, especially in professional settings. But in my work with leaders, I’ve seen how essential self-awareness and emotional intelligence are for leading with authenticity, compassion, decisiveness, and effectiveness.
Why Self-Awareness Matters in Leadership
Self-awareness is more than just a trendy concept; it’s the foundation of mindful leadership. When leaders are self-aware, they understand their own strengths, limitations, values, and motivations. They recognize the impact they have on others and can adjust their behavior accordingly. Simply put, self-awareness allows leaders to lead with greater intention and integrity.
Without self-awareness, leaders often operate on autopilot, reacting to challenges and making decisions based on habitual responses rather than thoughtful, purposeful reflection and non-judgmental observation. These knee-jerk reactions can lead to conflicts, missed opportunities, and a lack of trust within teams. On the other hand, a self-aware leader pauses, considers their options, is more attuned to subtleties, and acts in alignment with their core values and that of the organization. This builds credibility, trust, and resilience, both in the leader and in the team they’re leading.
The Role of Emotional Intelligence: It’s Okay to Feel
Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is closely tied to self-awareness and is just as critical for effective leadership. EQ is the ability to understand, manage, and harness one’s emotions—and to recognize and respond effectively to the emotions of others. When we think of “strong” leadership, many people envision a leader who is stoic and unaffected by their feelings. But in reality, a leader who understands and acknowledges their emotions—and those of their team—is far stronger and more impactful.
Emotional intelligence begins with giving ourselves permission to feel. Many of us are conditioned to believe that feeling sad, overwhelmed, or even joyful should be controlled, particularly at work. But emotions are an essential part of who we are; they’re messengers that provide insights into our values, desires, and boundaries. When leaders are in touch with their feelings, they’re better able to connect with and motivate their teams, creating a more empathetic and supportive work environment.
Why Self-Awareness and Emotional Intelligence Improve Decision-Making
Consider a scenario where a leader is facing a critical decision under pressure. An emotionally aware leader will recognize if they’re feeling stressed, anxious, or frustrated. Instead of letting those feelings drive their decision, they’ll acknowledge them, take a moment to process, self-regulate their nervous system to come to a more balanced stance, and then choose a response that aligns with their values and the best interest of their team. By understanding their emotions and reactions, self-aware leaders are able to navigate difficult situations with clarity and composure.
This awareness also extends to recognizing patterns in one’s leadership style. A self-aware leader might notice, for example, a tendency to avoid conflict or to take on too many responsibilities without delegating. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward growth.
By understanding our triggers, habits, and emotions, we can take steps to create lasting changes that make us more effective and mindful leaders.
Cultivating Self-Awareness and Emotional Intelligence in Your Leadership
Developing self-awareness and emotional intelligence is a journey, not a destination. Here are a few practices to start cultivating these qualities in your own leadership:
1. Reflect Daily: Set aside a few minutes each day to reflect on your actions, emotions, and decisions. Journaling can be helpful, or simply taking a quiet moment to think about how you felt and responded throughout the day.
2. Listen to Your Emotions: Instead of pushing your feelings aside, try to understand what they’re telling you. Are you feeling anxious about a decision? That might mean it doesn’t align with your values. Emotions are messengers—acknowledge them, learn from them, and use them to guide your choices.
3. Practice Active Listening with Your Team: Being aware of your own emotions is just one side of the coin; learning to understand others’ emotions is equally important. Pay attention to the emotional cues of your team. By actively listening, you’re showing empathy and creating a space where others feel safe to express themselves.
4. Seek Feedback: Sometimes, the best way to build self-awareness is through the perspectives of others. Ask trusted colleagues or mentors for feedback. This can be humbling, but it’s a powerful way to gain insights into how others perceive your actions and decisions.
The Ripple Effect of Self-Awareness and EQ in Leadership
When leaders practice self-awareness and embrace their ability to feel, they inspire others to do the same. They create an environment where people feel understood and valued, and where authenticity is celebrated. This doesn’t just improve morale—it drives meaningful connections, fosters collaboration, and enables high-performance cultures. A leader’s self-awareness can spark a ripple effect, encouraging the whole team to work with empathy, resilience, and purpose.
In the end, leadership isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present, intentional, and willing to grow. By cultivating self-awareness and emotional intelligence, leaders not only become more effective but also create a legacy of positive, conscious impact. So, the next time you feel an emotion arise, don’t push it away—lean into it, learn from it, and lead from a place of authenticity and strength.
